Where I've Been

Things have gone crazy lately.

It's hard to explain. A lot of things are about to change with my job, but I don't know what just yet. The powers that be are purposely being vague, which is terribly aggravating.

As a result of all this uncertainty, I've been internalizing. A lot. I think that's the right word for it, anyway. Every night I contemplate the things to come, and the things I don't know. I have a lot of fear that things are going to fall apart, and a lot of anger at the prospect that I may not be valued enough as an employee to be given the opportunity that I think I deserve.

Of course, everything that I'm fearful and angry about is all in my head, for the moment. I don't actually know what's going to happen, and in some ways, that's worse. If I knew what was going to happen, I could stop speculating and start planning accordingly. I could maybe try to move on with my life instead of wallowing in the events of the past couple of months.

I need a light at the end of the tunnel.