Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone...

Thanks for the title inspiration, Sara & AB.

I am not nearly as cheery today as I was yesterday. Consider this your warning.

I work in sales. As anyone who has ever worked in sales at any point in their life can tell you, it is a very frustrating experience. Especially when sales are down. Which, they are.

Sales have been down for all of 2012 so far. It's really frustrating because 2011 was a really strong year. I was bringing in large commission checks and even a few unexpected bonuses. We got used to having the extra money, and we spent like we were used to having the extra money.

And now, the extra isn't rolling in anymore. For the last three months, we've been able to pay the bills and put food on the table, but that's it. Using credit cards has come into play more often, which has resulted in an amount of debt that some might consider insignificant, but it makes me nauseous to even think about it.

Right now, we have a plan in place to do some shuffling around of debt in order to make things a little easier on us, and to avoid paying ridiculous amounts of interest. But the fact of the matter is that in order for it to work, we're going to have to revert back to our former lifestyle.

Which is, to say, a simple one. Strict budgets. No shopping trips on the weekends. No buying anything that isn't a necessity, really. Very little, if any, meals out. (which we LOVE so this is very sad.) Cutting back on existing expenses to make room in the budget. Cracking down.

It's going to suck, but it must be done. I know in the long run I will be glad that we cracked down and took care of this issue before it became uncontrollable. But for right now? I feel defeated. I feel like I've failed my family. I fear that I won't be able to give my little girl the worry-free childhood that I want her to have.

My husband is optimistic about our situation. He is capable of looking past the right-now and seeing that it will not take long before we're back on our feet. I wish I could be as optimistic as he is.

I just had to get that out.